A good friend of mine jokingly told me to 'enjoy my pre-pregnancy body because nothing is the same after baby comes'. Her first pregnancy was difficult on her body and completely transformed it from a boyish small figure to a curvy full figure plus a few scars. Thinking back to my own pregnancy, it went fairly easy but unexpectly left behind some scars. I laughed her off but had no idea she was completely right. I used to see my body in a sexual light and now nothing is quite same.
I think I had a fairly positive self image. I didnt think I was fat- but wouldnt miss loosing a few pounds and I felt comfortable in the nude. Weight has always been something I monitored and kept a pretty good grasp on it. When I was in my early teen years, I had gained a good amount of weight over time and got pretty big. At about 17, I took control and started to get into exercising and changing my eating habits. It took me about two years to loose about 20lbs and I completely sculpted my physic. I liked where I weighed in, its just the right size to have some meat on these bones and junk in all the right places.
After having a baby, Im seeing that not only does my body work alil differently, but so did how I looked at it. That positive thinking is still there for the most part. I think the turning point was the moment I discovered my first stretch mark. My mother pointed it out and in disbelief I checked in the mirror. Sure enough, they were there and then came the tears. I really thought I had beaten the [later realized] inevitable. But there isnt enough lotion and oil in the world to stave off those dreadful scars. Then the delivery of my son left is own unique stamp that will always remind me of what I went through. Looking down my tummy, right above my bikini line, is the most noticeable scar I have other than my tattoos. Its dark purplish presence makes its self known with random spots of tenderness. I dont know if thats really normal after eight months of healing. Either way, I wish it werent there. Its bad enough I have the matching set of purplish streaks down the front of my tummy. And Ill save you the details on how breastfeeding has ruined my once-upon-a-time-exquisite breasts. Thats the other thing! At first I thought, "this is great! Breast feeding really does burn calories" and I eventually hit my pre-preggo weight and all was great. But I guess my body has adjusted (another one of those wonderful untold things) and its no longer burning calories like an inferno. Now Im back to my post preggo weight and Im battling to balancing my diet to hit my goal. WTH! I really wish someone had warned me. I guess its all good though; if I could do it before I *think* I can loose a few pounds again ;)
So although my friend was right when she warned me, I have to admit in many ways I like things the way they are now. I know what my body is really capable of and that gives me a new appreciation for it. The biggest change I have noticed is my sudden awareness of it. With the body I once strutted around in a two piece bikini, I carried a child in my womb and then delivered him into the world and now Im nurturing him with my breasts. Its so amazing. Looking at my body this way makes all those superficial flaws fade. They become Mommy Warrior Scars. Now when I look into the mirror I see all these changes, I see a mother who can nurture and still be sexy. This new body is more beautiful than it ever was before because of what it has been through and became. And when my husband holds my curvy hips and tells me Im beautiful, I believe he sees it too.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Momma's Love
I love all twelve of your toes
and your milky kisses
I love your button nose
and your sleepy-eyed gazesI love you in so many ways
From the minute you awake
Til the moment you drift away
Seeing your face is all it takes
Growing from my baby to a boy to a man
Independent and strong
This is all part of the plan
Smart and charming and to live long
No matter what happens in your life you will always be my son
My love for you is eternal and can never be undone
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Its my choice, the right choice.
I grew up in a single parent home with two other siblings. My mother did her best to provide what we needed, even if that meant working two jobs-7 days a week. I look back at the hell I gave her and I wonder if things would of been different had there been a second parent or if my mom had more time to be around. I love my mother very much for everything shes done. She has always put her children before herself, and I can now see that some of that has rubbed off on me.
Before I became pregnant, I was making plans to return to school and finish the Business degree I started years back. I also was in search a job that was flexible with a possible school schedule. As soon as I found out I was pregnant my objective changed. Those goals were set aside and a new agenda was in its place. My focus was now on the growing a child inside me and how I was going to be a mother to him. I took special care to eat right and to get enough exercise. I read everything I could about becoming a new parent and never thought twice about becoming a stay at home mom. Other mothers around me seem to be itching to work right away and itching to get away. (Not that that makes them any less of a parent. I understand its normal to want to do things and have time for yourself as well) There was a never a doubt for us that I would be a stay at home mom; its what I want and love. We are fortunate enough that Rowdy is able to work and I stay home; and Rowdy supports that 100%. But seeing them be so anxious to get back to pre-baby life made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Am I wrong for choosing to not be separate from my son, even for the slightest bit of time? I dont want someone thats not family raising my baby, thats our job.
Well now baby is 7months old and I still focus primarily on him. I still plan on going back to school, maybe when he starts going to kindergarden and I can go during those few hours. Then later on when he [and any other children we have] are more independent I would like to start up my business. But right now, with this precious baby growing before my eyes, school and work is not important. Being available to support and give a sense of security to our son is our number one priority. If that means putting school and work aside, then thats the sacrifice.
Before I became pregnant, I was making plans to return to school and finish the Business degree I started years back. I also was in search a job that was flexible with a possible school schedule. As soon as I found out I was pregnant my objective changed. Those goals were set aside and a new agenda was in its place. My focus was now on the growing a child inside me and how I was going to be a mother to him. I took special care to eat right and to get enough exercise. I read everything I could about becoming a new parent and never thought twice about becoming a stay at home mom. Other mothers around me seem to be itching to work right away and itching to get away. (Not that that makes them any less of a parent. I understand its normal to want to do things and have time for yourself as well) There was a never a doubt for us that I would be a stay at home mom; its what I want and love. We are fortunate enough that Rowdy is able to work and I stay home; and Rowdy supports that 100%. But seeing them be so anxious to get back to pre-baby life made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Am I wrong for choosing to not be separate from my son, even for the slightest bit of time? I dont want someone thats not family raising my baby, thats our job.
Well now baby is 7months old and I still focus primarily on him. I still plan on going back to school, maybe when he starts going to kindergarden and I can go during those few hours. Then later on when he [and any other children we have] are more independent I would like to start up my business. But right now, with this precious baby growing before my eyes, school and work is not important. Being available to support and give a sense of security to our son is our number one priority. If that means putting school and work aside, then thats the sacrifice.
Im a survivor! ::playing Beyonce song::
WoW! Once again, I had to pack up my things, load the dogs and hope for the best as we await a tsunami to hit our shores. But this time around I had to haul a baby and husband around with me too. Do you have any idea how exhausting that is?! Around 9pm, Rowdy and I see on the news that Japan just had a 8.9 earth quake and Hawaii was now in a Tsunami watch. As soon as it upgraded to a warning I zipped out the door and headed to the store for water, baby food, dog food and diapers. (there is no way Im hauling dirty cloth diapers too!) Everyone eles in Ewa Beach headed out too because the gas station lines wrapped around the block and the grocery store was ravaged. Anyway, I found myself having a little bit of deja vu. About a year ago, Chile had a massive earth quake and caused a tsunami in Hawaii. Only then, I was pregnant with Ryatt and Rowdy was out at sea. This time around I knew how to better prepare and needless to say, things went alil smoother. We packed up and headed to a friends house in Pearl Harbor- out of evacuation zones. With the whole family in tow, including the dogs, we stood by and watched this tsunami unfold. Just as Rowdy predicted it was a kitten of a threat and we really could of stayed home (and actually slept). I couldnt help but get moving and take such threat seriously, its mother instinct to protect our family. But I admit, I kinda expected it to be nothing serious on our coast but I also couldnt help but to imagine the night mare it would be [and the regret] had we not evacuated and trying to save ourselves from massive flooding. In the end we had a sleepover and headed home the next morning. As usual, the sun was shinning bright over Oahu and the day went on. It was like it never happened.
Although our home is safe and in no harm, Japan was really hit hard. The footage of what is going on over there is heart wrenching. People's lives, people's homes, people's family- all washing away as they can do nothing but watch and fight to survive. I couldnt imagine such loss. It makes me even more aware of how we should never take our family and safety for granted.
Although our home is safe and in no harm, Japan was really hit hard. The footage of what is going on over there is heart wrenching. People's lives, people's homes, people's family- all washing away as they can do nothing but watch and fight to survive. I couldnt imagine such loss. It makes me even more aware of how we should never take our family and safety for granted.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Firsts- We've got TEETH!
Who would of thought that growing teeth would change everything! Just as his doctor predicted at almost 7 months, Ryatt sprouted his first tooth bud. Along with the lil tooth-ling came a whole new set of games and rules. Big boy rules that is, and Growing Up is the name of the game.
That first tooth made its debut about a week ago and its been growing more and more ever since. It even invited a few of his friends to join the party. I noticed a few days ago that his other bottom and both top are also coming in. Soon my grinning smiles will be no more and Ill have nipple-chomping smiles. My baby is growing, and its more obvious everyday. He tries to chew on anything he gets his little hands on. Anything- the dog's ear, my hair, his highchair harness, his toes and his favorite is his pacifier. Teeth coming in, weighing 22lbs and almost crawling- yeah, its pretty obvious.
We're still trying new solids; now venturing into more exotic flavors like papaya and mango. So far we have been very lucky to have no reactions to the simple stuff like apples, pears and carrots. Now one month into it, Im feeling more confident and relaxed about letting Ryatt try new things. We're trying new combinations of veggies and fruits and soon we'll try yogurt. Today we tried mangos and it seemed like he liked it. (Of course fruits are favorable, although bananas are his least favorite) He opens his mouth wide and gulps the whole spoon. Then he does his version of chewing which is a lot of spurting and smacking. Ryatt is so impressed with his self eating at the table. He looks down at the dogs with this teasing look on his face as if to say, "mmm this is good. you want some?" Now the dogs have a new human to beg while we eat at the table. Lucky for them, Ryatt is much more sharing and likes to spit them a dollop of dinner onto the floor. They're grateful, Rowdy and I are not amused. Along with solid foods comes solid poops. Great. And they stink, real bad. Baby boy is pushing out logs now and when he does he lets you know. His cute lil face freezes and he starts to grunt. Thats my cue- I rush him to the potty, rip off that diaper and plop him on the potty. So far its been pretty good. He doesnt mind it and even though sometimes I have to rush him three times in a row, I look at it as three times of practice. My hope is that he will pick up on it and hopefully he'll potty by 12-18 months. I know its high hoping but like they say 'shoot for the moon and land upon the stars'.
I realize there is nothing I can do to hinder my baby from growing up. Its the way its meant to be. That doesnt mean I can hold on to these wonderful stationary days. Soon Ryatt will crawl and become more interested in what things do and the cause and effect of everything. When that happens Im sure Ill probably go completely grey from all the stress of worrying for his safety. ... a head of grey might look good on me. ..I worry about what hes eating and what hes exposed to- I dont even want to imagine what my anxiety level will be when hes able to crawl/walk.
o.O oh my.
Like it or not, I have to play along in this game of Growing Up. This is his game, he calls the shots. Strap on your seat belts, ladies and gentlemen, we are in for a bumpy ride!
That first tooth made its debut about a week ago and its been growing more and more ever since. It even invited a few of his friends to join the party. I noticed a few days ago that his other bottom and both top are also coming in. Soon my grinning smiles will be no more and Ill have nipple-chomping smiles. My baby is growing, and its more obvious everyday. He tries to chew on anything he gets his little hands on. Anything- the dog's ear, my hair, his highchair harness, his toes and his favorite is his pacifier. Teeth coming in, weighing 22lbs and almost crawling- yeah, its pretty obvious.
We're still trying new solids; now venturing into more exotic flavors like papaya and mango. So far we have been very lucky to have no reactions to the simple stuff like apples, pears and carrots. Now one month into it, Im feeling more confident and relaxed about letting Ryatt try new things. We're trying new combinations of veggies and fruits and soon we'll try yogurt. Today we tried mangos and it seemed like he liked it. (Of course fruits are favorable, although bananas are his least favorite) He opens his mouth wide and gulps the whole spoon. Then he does his version of chewing which is a lot of spurting and smacking. Ryatt is so impressed with his self eating at the table. He looks down at the dogs with this teasing look on his face as if to say, "mmm this is good. you want some?" Now the dogs have a new human to beg while we eat at the table. Lucky for them, Ryatt is much more sharing and likes to spit them a dollop of dinner onto the floor. They're grateful, Rowdy and I are not amused. Along with solid foods comes solid poops. Great. And they stink, real bad. Baby boy is pushing out logs now and when he does he lets you know. His cute lil face freezes and he starts to grunt. Thats my cue- I rush him to the potty, rip off that diaper and plop him on the potty. So far its been pretty good. He doesnt mind it and even though sometimes I have to rush him three times in a row, I look at it as three times of practice. My hope is that he will pick up on it and hopefully he'll potty by 12-18 months. I know its high hoping but like they say 'shoot for the moon and land upon the stars'.
I realize there is nothing I can do to hinder my baby from growing up. Its the way its meant to be. That doesnt mean I can hold on to these wonderful stationary days. Soon Ryatt will crawl and become more interested in what things do and the cause and effect of everything. When that happens Im sure Ill probably go completely grey from all the stress of worrying for his safety. ... a head of grey might look good on me. ..I worry about what hes eating and what hes exposed to- I dont even want to imagine what my anxiety level will be when hes able to crawl/walk.
o.O oh my.
Like it or not, I have to play along in this game of Growing Up. This is his game, he calls the shots. Strap on your seat belts, ladies and gentlemen, we are in for a bumpy ride!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)