A good friend of mine jokingly told me to 'enjoy my pre-pregnancy body because nothing is the same after baby comes'. Her first pregnancy was difficult on her body and completely transformed it from a boyish small figure to a curvy full figure plus a few scars. Thinking back to my own pregnancy, it went fairly easy but unexpectly left behind some scars. I laughed her off but had no idea she was completely right. I used to see my body in a sexual light and now nothing is quite same.
I think I had a fairly positive self image. I didnt think I was fat- but wouldnt miss loosing a few pounds and I felt comfortable in the nude. Weight has always been something I monitored and kept a pretty good grasp on it. When I was in my early teen years, I had gained a good amount of weight over time and got pretty big. At about 17, I took control and started to get into exercising and changing my eating habits. It took me about two years to loose about 20lbs and I completely sculpted my physic. I liked where I weighed in, its just the right size to have some meat on these bones and junk in all the right places.
After having a baby, Im seeing that not only does my body work alil differently, but so did how I looked at it. That positive thinking is still there for the most part. I think the turning point was the moment I discovered my first stretch mark. My mother pointed it out and in disbelief I checked in the mirror. Sure enough, they were there and then came the tears. I really thought I had beaten the [later realized] inevitable. But there isnt enough lotion and oil in the world to stave off those dreadful scars. Then the delivery of my son left is own unique stamp that will always remind me of what I went through. Looking down my tummy, right above my bikini line, is the most noticeable scar I have other than my tattoos. Its dark purplish presence makes its self known with random spots of tenderness. I dont know if thats really normal after eight months of healing. Either way, I wish it werent there. Its bad enough I have the matching set of purplish streaks down the front of my tummy. And Ill save you the details on how breastfeeding has ruined my once-upon-a-time-exquisite breasts. Thats the other thing! At first I thought, "this is great! Breast feeding really does burn calories" and I eventually hit my pre-preggo weight and all was great. But I guess my body has adjusted (another one of those wonderful untold things) and its no longer burning calories like an inferno. Now Im back to my post preggo weight and Im battling to balancing my diet to hit my goal. WTH! I really wish someone had warned me. I guess its all good though; if I could do it before I *think* I can loose a few pounds again ;)
So although my friend was right when she warned me, I have to admit in many ways I like things the way they are now. I know what my body is really capable of and that gives me a new appreciation for it. The biggest change I have noticed is my sudden awareness of it. With the body I once strutted around in a two piece bikini, I carried a child in my womb and then delivered him into the world and now Im nurturing him with my breasts. Its so amazing. Looking at my body this way makes all those superficial flaws fade. They become Mommy Warrior Scars. Now when I look into the mirror I see all these changes, I see a mother who can nurture and still be sexy. This new body is more beautiful than it ever was before because of what it has been through and became. And when my husband holds my curvy hips and tells me Im beautiful, I believe he sees it too.
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